Tim Fish Here. I'm arguing with the one I call "Honey" about the size of my birthday cake. She seems to think that it should be half the size of the normal one. On the bright side, if I eat the whole thing, it won't be as bad for me. I'm not sure where I come down on this subject.
I dreamed last night that I was at an indoor arena, and instead of paying to get in, I had to clean up the my section of the place after the event was over. What does that mean? Then I was back in college, in my dorm room waking up to people wandering the halls and rooms because it was 'visitors day'. Of course I was naked and trying to figure out how I could get some clothes on without exposing myself to anyone. What does that mean?
I read in the paper where our Congress (In it's infinite wisdom) has passed another "Hate Crimes" bill. H.R. 1913. This time the same bad idea has been all decked out in the latest "Newspeak". It's now the "Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act". Hmmm. Sounds impressive. Who, after all, is for hate? Or Crime? Surely both need opposing. This bill sounds like a twofer. How can it miss?
I want to go on record here that I LOVE EVERYBODY!! So if I ever commit a crime, you all know it will be out of love, not hate. Well except for people who crack their eggs on the fat end. I HATE THOSE PEOPLE!! Everyone knows that you should crack your egg on the small end. I will never intentionally commit a crime against people who crack their egg correctly. However, If by some chance I offend you and you crack your egg on the fat end, well....I will NOT BE SORRY!! After all, you deserve what you get. Fortunately, there are currently no hate crime laws, protecting the 'Fat Egg End Crackers'. So, I will only be punished slightly, if caught. (Again, Evil Laughter, and rubbing hands together) I wonder if there is a hate crime law protecting overweight elevatormen? Sorry, you skinny elevatormen, you don't deserve protecting as much as I do. (More Laughter)
Well People, I'm going to go see a movie and look at power tools for my birthday. The anniversary of the day I sprung forth and began causing trouble. Woo Hoo. I love you Mom! After all, you did all the hard work.
2 comments:
Sounds like you need to take whatever size birthday cake you get and put some eggs on top of it...then sit down on it naked in front of Her Lady-ship. This should resolve your 'issues'...hmmmmmm.
No pictures..please!!!
I crack my eggs right down the middle.Is that OK? Do ya love me?
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